Sunday, December 11, 2011

Journal # 12 (Draft 3 of Sudden Fiction)

The Silenced Night
By Kelvin Lee Downer
 Iris awoke in the middle of the night to find her sister packing her clothes. The window was open in the room and an odd smell filled her nostrils. The room was cold, and only the moon lit the room. She observed quietly as her sister shoved clothes into a duffle bag. Her sister May seemed to be very scared; her hands shook frantically as she placed things into her bag. May stopped packing clothing and broke her tiara she liked to wear when she played with Iris. May was 17 and she had done something that not even the bravest guys on the football team would have done. Iris sat up in her bed wondering what was happening.
"May what are you doing?" asked Iris rubbing her eyes. At that moment the curtain blew into the room masking both their faces.
"Iris, go back to sleep," May said as her voice cracked. She knew her sister was only 10 but, she had to deal with it. She couldn’t take her, it was too risky. Was she a bad sister for trying to leave her behind? Iris panicked as she noticed there was blood on her sister's hand.
"Why are you bleeding?" Iris asked.
"I had a little bit of an accident" she answered quickly wiping the blood off without success.
"Are you okay? Should I ask Mom to get you a band-aid?"
"No, just lay back down" May said.
"Where are you going?"
May knew that she should have lied but leaving her sister behind would have been wrong. She walked towards Iris' bed and kneeled down.
“You have to promise that if I take you with me you will listen and do as I say, understood?" At first Iris was a little hesitant about this request.
"Why are we leaving?" she asked.
"You can't ask me that. You have to pack your things and I'll explain later, okay?"
Iris nodded her head. She knew how violent things could get in her house and that her sister wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She sat up and started to pack her stuff.
"Stay here. I’ll go get food from the kitchen," said May while walking out of the bedroom door.
Iris peeked through the door; she could see lights flickering from the living room. After Iris was done packing May returned with a book bag filled with the little food they had. Her hands were cleaned now but the image remained in Iris’ mind.
"We have to leave now" May said.
Iris grabbed her stuff, put on her shoes and a sweater. "Is Mom okay?" Iris asked as she took hold of her sister's hand, “Can she come?”
"No, she's in a better place now. She’s far away from that bastard Bill. He won’t be hurting anyone ever again” May said holding her sister close.
The two girls jumped out of their bedroom window into the moonlit backyard and walked into the woods; not once did they look back.
Mini Reflection
What I learned from the workshops is that I should really read my work out-loud to make sure my grammar and spelling is on point when I'm writing. I also learned that there I needed to add more to my piece to allow the reader to understand the situation better. Another thing I learned from work-shopping is that my piece was more of a dirty realism piece because it wasn't a happy ending even though my character did change. 

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