Dear Reader Reflection

       My goal for the semester was to write in a way I have never written before. I hoped to write about something I do not usually write about. Another goal that I had was more academic I also hoped to get an 90 and up in this class but that goal unlike the others was not achieved. I was able to put all my strength into my writing and work really hard to make every piece into a memorable piece. I think this was also my flaw when it came to this semester I didn't do anything but focus on the writing and not the other things we had to do in class. I feel like if I would have focused more on doing some of the other work like studying for my vocabulary exam. One of the biggest struggles I had this semester was doing my homework in school. I could never do it the years before so this year was not different. I can't do homework outside of my home but when I got home I would have wasted my time with my friends. The main way I have solved this is that sometimes I make sure I hang out with friends who have to do homework or have a computer for me to use since the laptops at Hunter are always taken and we can't get Macs. I still need to work on this because sometimes I can really procrastinate and not get my work done on time.

       I took Geography and Math 101 and I hated them both. I realized that Math was not the walk in the park I thought it was. I also learned that lectures will drain you and that paying attention is key for all college classes. I did hate both my classes but I'm sure I passed both with at-least an 80 until this point. In a year I don't see myself doing anything differently. I might be able to change my hanging out habits but my way of doing work will remain the same. I have no idea what I want to do myself but I'm sure it will be something that has to do with the arts. I think I am still a beginner when it comes to writing but I am good at it. I think that if you don't know how to put your ideas onto paper you can't express yourself properly in conversation. Knowing writing techniques can help you know what to look for in reading when you are studying for something that might be symbolic, like in history taking notes of setting and ideas is something that is important. When you know how to express yourself on paper you can express yourself in life in any given situation. 

       Throughout this course I have learned that fiction is not just about making up things you think will be cool but also about making things believable. I have enjoyed all the pieces that we didn't have set characters because that is my favorite part of fiction, making a believable character that can relate to me. The easiest part of my writing is coming up with a character and making the reader feel for them instead of not care about them at all. It is my favorite part of writing because I do it all the time with video games. The most difficult skill is making the setting symbolic without it being too obvious. I guess I have a tough time with this because I think a lot of my setting conflicts are too obvious so I have to stop judging my ideas. By the end of the year I hope to write a character that I fall in love with and keep writing about. By the end of the year in college is developing better homework planning habits. This portfolio has many of the ideas that come to my mind and it also shows how creative I can really be. It also shows how dedicated I am to my writting

Journal # 12 (Draft 3 of Sudden Fiction)

The Silenced Night

By Kelvin Lee Downer

 Iris awoke in the middle of the night to find her sister packing her clothes. The window was open in the room and an odd smell filled her nostrils. The room was cold, and only the moon lit the room. She observed quietly as her sister shoved clothes into a duffle bag. Her sister May seemed to be very scared; her hands shook frantically as she placed things into her bag. May stopped packing clothing and broke her tiara she liked to wear when she played with Iris. May was 17 and she had done something that not even the bravest guys on the football team would have done. Iris sat up in her bed wondering what was happening.

"May what are you doing?" asked Iris rubbing her eyes. At that moment the curtain blew into the room masking both their faces.

"Iris, go back to sleep," May said as her voice cracked. She knew her sister was only 10 but, she had to deal with it. She couldn’t take her, it was too risky. Was she a bad sister for trying to leave her behind? Iris panicked as she noticed there was blood on her sister's hand.

"Why are you bleeding?" Iris asked.

"I had a little bit of an accident" she answered quickly wiping the blood off without success.

"Are you okay? Should I ask Mom to get you a band-aid?"

"No, just lay back down" May said.

"Where are you going?"

May knew that she should have lied but leaving her sister behind would have been wrong. She walked towards Iris' bed and kneeled down.

“You have to promise that if I take you with me you will listen and do as I say, understood?" At first Iris was a little hesitant about this request.

"Why are we leaving?" she asked.

"You can't ask me that. You have to pack your things and I'll explain later, okay?"

Iris nodded her head. She knew how violent things could get in her house and that her sister wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She sat up and started to pack her stuff.

"Stay here. I’ll go get food from the kitchen," said May while walking out of the bedroom door.

Iris peeked through the door; she could see lights flickering from the living room. After Iris was done packing May returned with a book bag filled with the little food they had. Her hands were cleaned now but the image remained in Iris’ mind.

"We have to leave now" May said.

Iris grabbed her stuff, put on her shoes and a sweater. "Is Mom okay?" Iris asked as she took hold of her sister's hand, “Can she come?”

"No, she's in a better place now. She’s far away from that bastard Bill. He won’t be hurting anyone ever again” May said holding her sister close.

The two girls jumped out of their bedroom window into the moonlit backyard and walked into the woods; not once did they look back.

Mini Reflection
What I learned from the workshops is that I should really read my work out-loud to make sure my grammar and spelling is on point when I'm writing. I also learned that there I needed to add more to my piece to allow the reader to understand the situation better. Another thing I learned from work-shopping is that my piece was more of a dirty realism piece because it wasn't a happy ending even though my character did change. 

Journal #10 (Draft 2)

The Silenced Night

by Kelvin Lee Downer

Iris awoke in the middle of the night to find her sister packing her clothes. The window was opened in the room and an odd smell filled her nostrils, the room was cold, and only the moon lit the room. She observed quietly as her sister shoved clothes into a duffle bag. Her sister May seemed to be very scared; her hands shook frantically as she placed things into her bag. May stopped packing clothing then she grabbed her phone and iPod. May was 17 and she had done something that not even the bravest guys in the football team would have done. Iris sat up in her bed wondering what was happening.

"May what are you doing?" asked Iris rubbing her eyes. At that moment the curtain blew into the room masking both their faces.

"Iris, go back to sleep," May said her voice cracking. She knew her sister was only 10 but, she had to deal with it, she couldn’t take her it was too risky. Was she a bad sister for trying to leave her behind? Iris noticed there was blood on her sister's hand.

"Why are you bleeding?" Iris asked.

"I had a little bit of an accident" she answered quickly wiping the blood off without success.

"Are you okay? Should I ask Mom to get you a band-aid?"

"No, just lay back down" May said.

"Where are you going?"

May knew that she should have lied but leaving her sister behind would have been wrong. She walked towards Iris' bed and kneeled down.

“You have to promise that if I take you with me you will listen and do as I say, understood?" at first Iris was a little hesitant about this request.

"Why are we leaving?" she asked.

"You can't ask me that you have to pack your things and I'll explain later, okay?"

Iris nodded her head. She knew how things violent things could get in her house and that her sister wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She sat up and started to pack her stuff.

"Stay here, I’ll go get food from the kitchen," said May while walking out their bedroom door.

Iris peeked through the door; she could see lights flickering from the living room. After Iris was done packing May returned with a book bag filled with the little food they had. Her hands were cleaned now but the image remained in Iris’ mind.

"We have to leave now" She said.

Iris grabbed her stuff, put on her shoes and a sweater. "Is Mom okay?" Iris asked taking hold of her sister's hand.

"No she, but she's in a better place now far away from Bill too. He won’t be hurting you or me ever again”

The two girls jumped out of their bedroom window into the moonlit backyard and walked into the woods; not once did they look back.

Journal #11

Part A:


Sushyto - Alien

Sushyto is a Japanese Restaurant located near the sun. Many would like to go there to eat daily however, it takes quite some time and money to get there. When you enter Sushyto, a man takes your coat and a waitress seats you at a table. Sushyto is often visited for business lunches or special occasions because it is so unique, being that it has the best Japanese food available. All of the food is cooked naturally by sticking it outside for a few seconds so, it is organic which makes it price-y. There is always a cooling breeze from the central air conditioning system as it can get slightly warm in the restaurant. Most rave about this high end Japanese restaurant. Many say Sushyto is worth more than 5-stars; it is worth the biggest star out there.

Luxumburg Cafe - Ordinary 

The door to the cafe was short and the cafe had no windows. It was in America but it was like entering into a new realm. The interior was only lit by candles and it was damp. The customers never saw their waiters because they would sneak around waiting for the perfect time to place your order.

Part B:

   Jane walked into the Urban Outfitter with $500 dollars in her purse and once she was done shopping she had $20. She was wearing pink heals with a  pink vest and a white mini skirt, inside her blond hair hugged her face and the pink shirt she wore complimented her tan. She the spit out her gum on to the sidewalk and had a care free smile. Her mom always told her to plan ahead so she always did but this time she had bought more than she had expected. She walked towards her house and put on her headphones, she then put on Mistletoe by Justin Bierber as she struggled to keep hold of her bags properly. The sun was shinning very bright and the wind was calm. Jane didn't like the heat but she sure loved dressing like she did. The streets were very empty for such a beautiful day so she was enjoying every minute of it. She looked up at the sky so beautiful and at the distance she noticed a cloud. It was a dark cloud and she had no idea how this could be possible with such wonderful weather. As she stared more and more she noticed they were shower clouds and so she spend up. As she ran home she stumbled on her bags and fell flat on her face. She began to cry because the pain was so immense that she could not hold it in. The clouds had then fully rolled in and it began to rain. Her pink heels wet and so were all the clothes she bought. 

Journal #10: Sudden Fiction ( The Silenced Night) 1st Draft

She awoke in the middle of the night to find her sister packing her clothes. The window was opened in the room and the smell of iron filled her nostrils, the room was cold, and only the moon lit the room. She observed quietly as her sister shoved clothes into a duffle bag. Her sister May seemed to be very scare, her hands shook frantically as she place things into her bag. May was done with her clothing then she grabbed her phone and iPod. May then put on her coat and zipped it up to the top. May was 17 and she had it all in-front of her and she knew she had screwed up. Maine, the youngest, sat up after waiting patiently.
"May what are you doing?" Asked Maine rubbing her eyes and sitting up on her bed. At that moment the curtain blew into the room masking both their faces.

"Maine, go back to sleep," May said her voice cracking. She knew her sister was only 10 but, she had to deal with it. Was she a bad sister for trying to leave Maine behind? Maine noticed there was blood all over her sister's hand and a little bit on her face.

"Why are you bleeding?" Maine asked.

"I had a little bit of an accident" she answered quickly.

"Are you okay? should I ask mom to you a band-aid?"

"No, just lay back down"

"Where are you going?"

May knew that she should have lied but leaving her sister behind would have been wrong. She walked towards Maine's bed and kneel down.

" You have to promise that if I take you with me you will listen and do as I say, understood?" at first Maine was a little hesitant about this request.

"Why are we leaving?" Maine asked.

"You can't ask me that you have to pack your things and I'll explain later, okay?"

Maine nodded her head because she knew how things were in her house and that her sister wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She sat up and started to pack her stuff.

"stay here i'll go get food from the kitchen." 

Mary went through the door, she could see lights flickering from under the door. After she was done packing May returned with a book bag filled with food.

"We have to leave now" She said

Maine grabbed her stuff, put on her shoes and her hoodie.

"Is mom okay?" Maine asked taking hold of her sister's hand.

"No but she's in a better place, and Bill wont be hurting you or me again."

The two girls jumped out of their bedroom window and walked into the woods; not once did they look back.

 

Reflection #4

   My one fear while my work is being work-shopped I fear that the opinions my peers will have wont be on my writing but on me as a person. I like to push the envelop by writing about things people don't usually write about. I want my story to have a twist to it and writing about a guy falling in love with a girl and him having to prove himself is not good enough risk being taken. I fear that once my peers see my writing and how risky it is they will think less of me and think of as a overachiever, or that my work sucks because is not like their's. With all this set aside even though I know people wont like it because it is different, some will love it because it is no the same. People will hate you for not sticking to the norm or find it that my writing is just trying to hard to be different but that kind kind of criticism is not constructive so it shouldn't affect me. I'm excited to see what ideas other people will have about my character, and I also am exited to see people finding the symbolism I have chosen for my piece. I also want to hear what to add to my reading and what to completely forget about. I do believe that if I paint a good enough picture for the reader I will get the response I want.
   I think that most of my writing is has a lot of creativeness but I don't execute it as well as I wish. I tend to not be able to set the timeline of my story well enough so I have a serious problem with organizing my thoughts and just place ideas anywhere in the story. During the workshop I'm sure someone will tell me that I need to switch something around or that I should shorten something to make it flow better. I feel like I can relate with Hilma Wolitzer when she says that one must question if they want an "honest opinion from a loved one", because they don't really want to hurt you. That's why I wouldn't want to get criticism from a close friend but rather a peer who doesn't know me as a person or writer. "Didn't your mother proudly display your early artistic efforts on her refrigerator?" page 264. I feel like if I share my writing with anyone close to me they will lie to make me feel better. I don't like workshops with other who know me because I feel like they will hold back to not hurt me or not take it seriously.
  When I'm doing the criticism in my group I will try to remain serious and honest even if it's harsh because being nice wont help them. Writing notes as they read it might be scary and intimidating but it is helpful to explain how you feel about their reading  the moment it comes to mind. I feel like if I don't like a story I wont tell them I don't like it but I will tell them what they should work on because saying a story is no good is a lie because everyone has potential. A story can mean a lot for someone so tearing it down might not be the best thing to do because it can hurt someone's feelings. You must put yourself in their shoes and think what you would want them to say to you.

Journal #10

   Nothing could disturb Autumn Chance as she sat on a park bench reading a book and sipping on a latte. She sat there not crossing her legs even though she was wearing pants. Her hair was done neatly, she had long hair with bangs  and her face appeared to be completely symmetrical. She was reading War and Peace while sitting with perfect posture. She sat on the bench listening to classical music at an appropriate volume even though no one was around to be disturbed. When she was done she stood up and walked away making sure she disposed of her Starbucks cup properly and making sure it got in the trash can.

   She walked in chewing gum loudly and she pushed her way to the seat next to mine. She was wearing clothes that barely covered her and wore very loud colors. She squeezed her way in even though she knew she couldn't fit. She then forced her bag to the side making me very uncomfortable I wondered if she was raised in a barn and game her a look of confusion. She replied with a loud yes while staring at me angrily. She then took out her phone and started singing along to a vulgar song out loud. She sipped on her mysterious drink while she moved her hips to the song even though she was causing everyone discomfort.

Journal #9

  You’re hired.
  The sun was shining bright outside and the breeze was refreshing. The Bridgeway High School soccer team had a practice and at the moment they were stretching. Justin was number fiver on the team and he played forward. A man sat on the bleachers and waved at Justin, this man was Justin’s father, Bruce. His father pulled out a paper bag and drank out of it. Bruce was a thick and hairy man with a very bushy beard. He wore a thick jacket that was buttoned up but a blue collar shirt could be seen. While Bruce was admiring his son’s accomplishment, a young man approached Bruce and sat next to him. The young man was wearing a grey blazer with a light blue v-neck with denim jeans.
“Hello there sir” said the young man, he then sat next to Bruce who tilted his hat at the young man. “My name is Brad Amaral” the young man said as he reached out to shake Bruce’s hand. Bruce shook the young man’s hand.
“Hello Brad how can I help you?” Bruce asked.
“No sir but I know your son.” Brad looked out at the field and waved at Justin. Justin stopped and covered his eyes with his hand for a second then continued on.
“Are you two buds or just know each other?”
“We are friends, good friends.” He responded, “He can sure run.”
“Yeah ever since he was a little boy he loved to run around and make his Mom chase after him up and down the house.” Bruce took another drink of his beer and looked at his left ring finger, and then at Brad. “Tell me a bit about you.”
“ Well I play baseball, football, and soccer. I have a 4.0 GPA and I’ve been accepted into Princeton University.” The young man made direct eye contact as he spoke to the man.
“Well boy I meant like where are you from but okay,” he said.

“Well my family is from Italy and I have two sisters sir”

 “That’s good, at least Justin will have a friend to room with my boy.” He said tilting his hat towards the sky.
“Well your son is a very smart boy” he said “He has a lot going for him, and so do I sir.”
“Why do you keep talking to me like I’m your boss?”
“ Because you are sir” Brad looked down at his hand and then back at his boss.
“Boy don’t you pull my darn leg I ain’t your boss.”
“Well technically speaking you are.” Brad Amaral looked inside his blazer pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. “Sir, here I hold my explanation, and your son’s dreams.” Bruce looked at the boy with a puzzled gaze and set down his bottle. Bruce opened the folded up piece of paper and began to read it. Mr. Amaral began to walk down the bleachers and left the field. He continued to read until he had memorized it. Bruce walked down and headed towards his son. Justin asked him who he was talking to and Bruce responded by saying.
“He’s hired”.

Reflection #3

   I find in my surroundings many interesting topics to write about. On my headboard one may find a half empty cub, a memo pad and underneath some books you will find a hidden compartment to a new world. This world is my notebook. I look to my left and I see a Target dog that my uncle got me. His name is Milky White and I previously gave away his Glasses to my friend Kayla Price. My surrounding can bring any story to life. I usually get around 80% of my ideas from my room. I can have any topic in the world and find a way that an item will come to life in my writing.
   A great story has a lot of creative ideas but fragments of your life sowed into it and that ties the whole story together. An idea of a dog who was very loved can only be believable when you love have loved a dog before. A good writer has to make their writing believable and so they must make sure there life is in their writing.A story is not about what you are saying but what you mean by what you are saying. You can say the dog was pitch black but what you are showing is that the dog is mysterious, or evil, or even misunderstood. What you say is very important but what your meaning behind what you're saying is.
   While making a fictional life for a person I saw I learned more about myself as a person. I tend to see kindness in people before jumping to evil and I also tend to notice people who want to blend into the background. These themes of loneliness and being shy always pop into my head whenever I look at someone and what this really means is that I want to get to know them better.

Journal #8

Character Profile Worksheet

Basic Statistics

Name: Tommy Smith
Age: 16
Nationality: American
Socioeconomic Level as a child: Middle Class
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: N/A
Hometown: N/A (adopted)
Current Residence: Queens New York
Occupation: Works at Starbucks
Income: 45,000/Year
Talents/Skills: Plays the flute, Can sing.
Salary: $10
Birth order: Only Child
Siblings (describe relationship): None
Spouse (describe relationship): None
Children (describe relationship): None
Grandparents (describe relationship): Only one grandmother alive.
Grandchildren (describe relationship): None.
Significant Others (describe relationship): Has none.
Relationship skills: Has one close friend. Sophia Lovegood.


Physical Characteristics:

Height: 5’5
Weight: 100lbs
Race: White
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Brown
Glasses or contact lenses? Glasses
Skin color: Tan
Shape of Face: Slim
Distinguishing features: Has lots of little moles
How does he/she dress?: Doesn’t use bright colors and wears clothes that look too simple
Mannerisms: Tends to look down a lot and is always scrubbing something
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) Cleaning
Health: Has trouble breathing
Hobbies: Plays the flute, and video games.
Favorite Sayings: Music is my life.
Speech patterns: None
Disabilities: Minor OCD.
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Casual. Super casual.
Greatest flaw: OCD.
Best quality: Smile.


Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: He is in HS
Intelligence Level: Very Smart
Any Mental Illnesses? OCD
Learning Experiences:
Character's short-term goals in life: Blocking his enemies.
Character's long-term goals in life: To be accepted.
How does Character see himself/herself? -As unwanted.
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? –A loser
How self-confident is the character?- Not at all
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof?- ruled by emotion.
What would most embarrass this character?- People finding out he is adopted.


Emotional Characteristics


Strengths/Weaknesses: Musical Abilities. Has a low self-esteem.
Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert.
How does the character deal with anger? Plays music.
With sadness? Plays music.
With conflict? Runs away
With change? Avoids it.
With loss? He stops talking to people.
What does the character want out of life? To be accepted.
What would the character like to change in his/her life? He wants to know his real parents.
What motivates this character? His two moms.
What frightens this character? Untidiness.
What makes this character happy? His best friend, food, music, being liked.
Is the character judgmental of others? No.
Is the character generous or stingy? Generous.
Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite but is keeps to himself so he might be portrayed as rude.


Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? Yes.
What are the character's spiritual beliefs?  Christian.
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Not really.
If so, what role does it play?

What does this character want?? Need?  Wish?  Hope?

Wants to be accepted.

Needs tidiness.

Wishes to meet his real parents.

Hopes to fall in love.

This is the type of person who….

Can’t feel safe without a sweater or hood.

This is the type of person who blends into the background.

Who makes sure to clean every inch of his ID card.

Who walks to school because the subway is dirty.

Who can’t eat their salad if the different colors are touching.

Journal #7

They stopped for a soda and they shared it as they smiled into each other's eyes. They walked past a crowed head turning to look at them, you could see mixed emotions in the crowd. They seemed so happy laughing together and smiling at each other. People stared as they walked passed the church. They reached the park and placed a blanket down, the they laid back and looked at the clouds. He then smiled and looked over to the blue eyes he loved so much and said " I love you Max."

Journal #5

 From the second my ball rolled  onto Joy's lawn I knew I was not welcomed. I watched as she go up from her patio chair and walked over to me. She had a big fork the kind you would use to hold roasted chicken as you sliced it. I stood there paralyzed and confused why was she so mad at me? what did I do? And then she asked "is this your ball?"
"yes mam" I whispered looking down at her shoes they were pretty shinny and all clean light blue with white poka dots they were real pretty alright." I got it for Christmas since my moma said the dolls were too expensive.
Joy's face since to relax and something came over her face that I've never seen a white lady have, she had pity on her face. Then  just before she turned away her neighbor came out to see her on her lawn he seemed to not like me talking to Ms. Joy but then she turned around and said "Scurry out'a here girl, he ain't like me he wont let you get away. With a swift move I picked my ball up and ran as the light of the sun disappeared casting a big black shadow behind me.

Journal #6

a)The empty crib haunted me every night. It screamed to me, bad mother! Murderer! I stared at the pile of gifts people had given me for Daisy. I never knew how much something that was never born could affect me, but every night I lay on my bed swimming in a sea of sorrow. This is the most important thing for a woman in my time in the 1950s. A woman who could not give birth was not a woman. I picked up the little black shoes that shined against the light of the moon peeking through the curtain. So now I had nothing to do but sell what was given to me. I picked up a brush and wrote "Baby shoes for sale never worn".

b) Never smile back to a stranger.

c)"Sit like a man!" "Yes sir."

Reflection #2

 Fictionalizing my work was both difficult and easy. The reason why it was difficult was because I had to chose the right moment that would appeal to the public but also not be too emotional that every time I read it I can't stop weeping. So I decided to go with the feeling of losing someone since many people have experienced that feeling. After I choose the event It became easier and easier to write about it since I was finally letting emotions out. The easy part was past the personal experience. Once I began to fictionalize my piece I became obsessed with expressing that "alone" feeling or even better the feeling of losing your comfort. As I added more detail fictionalization came swiftly and naturally. As I went on my lies became truths and my new truth became a person which the reader has feeling for and can go through what the character did.
  Distancing my work from my emotions was very hard at some points due to the fact that I had to relive that moment of sorrow in my head just like my protagonist in the short story. I felt that lost, I felt myself once again losing comfort in the world. As I went further on in my writing I realized it became easier to set aside my feeling from the writing while still utilizing it in my piece. As I kept writing there were times when I had to stop but not because of my personal incidence but I had become obsessed with showing the world how my character felt. Author Sue Miller once said "The fact is, you can make a story of anything, anything at all. What's hard - and what's interesting about a story is not so much the thing that's in it, but what's made of,"(Virtual Reality: The peril of seeking a novelist's facts in her fiction, page 158). I found myself mixing events and descriptions to make sure what my story pie was made of was exiting and fresh instead of the same old apples everyone puts in their stories.
   Part of our work must always be in our writing because we must tap into our senses to write great pieces. We must seek what fascinates us what captivates us. If we do not focus our emotions in our writing we are just reporting on events and not guiding our readers to one side of the argument whether is your side or the enemy's. When we put our emotions in our writing readers can relate and will continue to read on because they now care for this fictional character which no longer feels fake. The emotion of a piece is what sets the tone which is what sets the mood of the piece. Sue Miller also said "Surely the writer's job is to make relevant the world she wishes to write about." (Page 159). If the writers don't grab the reader the reader will simply not read because you have not given them reason to do otherwise.

Journal #3

 I sat up. Chest pounding ,sweat rolling down my forehead. It happened again. I look at the digital clock 2:13 a.m. I look at the calendar, it was February 13th, my heart sank. I tried to catch my breath as my hands shook frantically I stood up fast almost falling over.  I look to my left and my window was open. The cold air chiseled my body and the cold floor made it painful to walk. The room smelled like him, I inhaled deeply making it last as long as it could taking in every single particle of the smell. I struggled towards the window and sat on the fire escape. This was our favorite place, our happy place. Every Tuesday we would have pasta on the fire escape followed by a small tub of Pinkberry just the way he like it, an original with blueberries. We would sit and look at the stars and imagine what it was like to go to space, to travel, to be one with nature. Then I realized that I didn't open the window. I turned around and climbed back through my window the closed it tightly. The darkness of the room made me feel even lonelier. The grey walls made me feel trapped and fixated but to him it made him feel warm and cozy. He was always optimistic about things like that. His thoughts were always a mystery to me but I loved him. I walked out my room and through the narrow hallway, I began to look at the pictures on the wall. There was one of us smiling together wearing 3D glasses, and one of us sharing a tub of Pinkberry on the fire escape. His bluish green eyes still stared into my soul even in the darkness of my home and he made me feel sorrow yet happiness because of all the joy we shared. As I reached the living room I noticed that the door wasn't locked it was always Scott's job to make sure the door was locked without him I was a mess. Nothing was the same. Tears began to roll down my eyes when I began to relive what happened 1 year ago. I could hear him scream my name as the two dark figures took me into the alley and punched me. They kicked me and leaving Scott to bleed on the floor, Scott tried to reason with them but they didn't want our money they just wanted violence. I still remember Scott getting up and trying to pull them off me and then with a loud bang. He fell. His cold lifeless body dropped and they ran away leaving behind broken lives. I remember crawling towards his body and holding on to him wishing it was all a bad dream but it wasn't. He lay there lifeless and grief just infested my heart leaving me alone. We ran away together and now nothing could bring him back. That night I feel a sleep with a picture of him next to my face while wearing one of his sweaters. The next day the window was opened, soon I will be with him.

Journal #4

   Chris Merkwaters tossed his coal  on to the stained couch and slammed his apartment door.
"I hate my life" He said to his dog as he collapsed on to the couch. He attempted to reach for the TV remote but gave up in half way through the process."I brought you a treat from work" he said and tossed the blood stained paper bag on to the floor near by Dino. He stared at the grey paint on his walls, the wall was pealing and there were water stains nearly everywhere on the wall. He then looked at his kitchen which had piles of junk food on the counters, dishes that no longer could be cleaned, and for some reason his underwear was on the toaster. He then for the first time in a long time inhaled the scent of his apartment which had a variety of smells like spoiled milk and year old fish. He had lost motivation and hygiene all because of one stinking job.
   He looked around and on top of a dark wood table was fish tank he had complete forgotten about. He stood up he knew he had never flushed a fish down a toilet before so they had had to decomposed in there. Chris could not see through the water tank but he could see there was a red tie that he had only worn once ever in his life. He stood up and walked towards the bathroom which was in even more horrible conditions. The sight of it would paralyze a health inspector for the rest of his life. He looked at Dino who had long finger nails and grimy brown fur even though Chris recalled his dog being white once. Chris then looked upon himself in the mirror and his hands began to shake, he looked down at them, rugged and bloodstained. In a blink of an eye he raised his had and punched the mirror. He couldn't look at himself. At the age of 21 he had already begun to gain grey hairs and dark spots under his eyes.
   The phone rang in the living room. He knew who it was even though he had not checked the number.
"Hi mom" He said while trying to pickup after himself.
"Hi honey, how was work?" she said.
"Could have been better" He replied hoping he didn't hurt his mom's feelings.
"Why what happened?Did you cut yourself again? Is it bleeding a lot? Put some..."
"Mom! No I'm fine" he said looking at the cuts the mirror had made on his hand."Work is ruining my life." He didn't want to hurt his father who had gotten him that job after he dropped out of college.
"Honey you know your Dad worked hard on finding you that open spot"
"I know but it's ruining my life I didn't even know I owned a fish tank because of all the stress from work. Going in at 7 am then coming out at 9pm is just not right. And the working conditions, Lets just say they didn't want to give me a steak that fell on the floor."He couldn't hold it and he knew it was harsh. " But I wont quit".

Journal #2

List of things.

Things that make me laugh: one thing that really makes me laugh is how people react to certain things. Ms. Walsh one great example of some one who made me laugh. We would sit in our desk the smell of coffee filled her room this made me feel at home this made me feel happy. Ms. Walsh would always have a kooky saying or some really cool reaction to participation. She would dance around and wiggle her wrist to depict a scene in a book. Every day I would look forward to her class because no matter how bad my day was she would bring laughter to my life.

Things that inspires me: Music has always felt like more than just entertainment it felt like a soul mover. Whenever I'm in depressed a good Katy Perry song picked me up. The beat will pump through my blood and into my heart pushing through my veins into my brain saying forget it just live it up. I smile because she makes me feel like I should help other people with their problems and help them find the Perry in them.

Things that I wish I never said: I wish I would have never said that my best friend was a harlot. This brought me great pain. Pain so powerful that I couldn't do things for days I felt like crawling into a ball and pushing tighter and tighter until I disappeared. That one summer day I felt so bad. I can still remember the sweat rolling down my forehead from getting irritated at her the sun scream rays at us making us even more aggravated. Pollen in the air irritating our eyes making us say things we didn't want to.

Things I'm afraid of: my biggest fear is the fear of being completely alone. The closest I've ever been to experiencing this is when I was home alone for 3 days, and the Internet was down. I felt disconnected specially since I don't make friends with people in my neighbor hood. I felt disconnected like no one was ever going to come and say hi. Like if I was complete stripped from the ability of feeling comfort. Coldness overcomes your body and paralyzed you from enjoying life.

Things I love to eat: I love Pizza. I love the taste of the tomato with the basil. Then the cheesy rich taste of mozzarella mixing with the tomato and the soft crust stuffed with cheese. The scents dance in you nose and they intensify your taste. You feel joy overcome your body and your your taste buds begging to do the rumba.That was only the first bite.

Things I hate to do: I always hate to be unprepared. Being unprepared makes me freak out even if it's that I don't have a pen, or that I forgot the stapler to staple my work I will freak out. I will panic if I lost my homework because working so hard and then it is all gone in a blink of an eye will kill me. Being unprepared makes me feel like from then on my day will fail and nothing will fix it. Being prepared makes me feel secure.

Things I would like to do in the future: Photography has always fascinated me. Photography is a kind of art that expresses your feelings without you having to slave over it. The camera lens is like your eyes and anything you admire through your eyes you can admire it through my lens. When the light is just right like a warm blanket and the breeze is very gentle and you see just one object that sticks out you know what you have to do.

Animals I Like: I love squirrels. Squirrels are my favorite animals ever because I feel like I have a lot in common with squirrels. Once I saw a squirrel in the park it was bouncing around, and climbing trees just being free. I remember freshmen year I used to take the fake fur of my coat unzip it and use it as a tail. I was weird but it was just me being a squirrel.

 Smells I don't like: There are many things  that trigger my gag reflex. One of them is the smell of wheat rice. My mom was on a diet and we were all eating healthy food. I have never in my life turned down a plate of food that my mom made untill that day. The rice smelled like rancid bread,the smell one would get from smelling a chemical from a lab, the smell that one gets when you puke out orange juice. This smell was the worst thing I ever experienced.

Artist I like: What makes an artist an artist is the ability to inspire me. Adele is an individual who moves one soul with her words. Her singing has a certain soul to it a broken one, one that has suffered very much but this soul for some reason all this hurt brings joy to my heart. Her voice is very sof like warm honey but with the rough feeling of a walnut. Her voice is soothing yet fragile. This is why she is the best artist out there she inspires the soul not just the mind.

Situations I would never like to be in: I would never like to spill anything on anyone ever again in my life. Once after school, when I used to eat ice cream, I had just gotten a cone from McDonalds and I was hanging out with my friends and I was in my happy zone. When I was young I couldn't stand in one place for too long and I would move around a lot. My best friend at the time had called me and I turned around and I didn't see the old lady inback of me and my ice cream was all over her. I felt so bad I didn't know what to do so I apologized and got her some napkins and she was ok but I will never eat a cone ever again.

Places I would like to visit: I have always been fascinated with Italian culture. Italy is rich in the arts and I've always loved the history of Italy. To me Italy is the most fascinating place on earth because of all the beautiful art and inventions done by so many artist. Venice is such a unique city and I would love to visit it one day. One thing that is my number one thing I love about Italy is the food such awesome food that makes you feel joy unexplicable to those who have not tasted it.

Things that make me cry:  One thing that made me cry was the episode of Glee where Sue Silvester's sister who had down syndrome died. From the second you find out Sue's sister died untill they have the seremony you will find it hard to swallow or not tear up. The feeling that someone has ripped your heart out is nothing like the amount of empathy I had for this fictional character.

Things I Hate: One thing that really boils my blood is Homophobia. Homosexuals are humans to and to say that they don't deserve respect or deserve to be alive is just ignorant. As humans we should understand that no one in their right mind will ever want to be teased and turtured every day. LGBT people should be able to go about their lives without having to be made fun of all the time and when we as humans don't let that happen we are intolorant and  that is something we as a nation should not have to deal with.

Things I like to do for fun: When I'm bored I love to draw the first thing that comes to my mind or something I've been thinking about for a long time Not so long ago I kept seing the image of a crystal that was on fire and had smoke wraped around it and I began to sketch it and after half an hour my vision became real. I love to draw things that come to my mind and store them away because one day I might be able to make it  a shirt, or a sculpture. My dreams become real through pencil and paper.

Things I can't live without: I love to express myself and music is what shapes my life. Music really is the main way I express myself to my friends and to every audience I ever had in any play. Without music I wouldn't have been able to control my feelings or even get over a big fight. Music helps me clear my mind and help me live. Music is my life.

Something I would change about the world: I hate standards. I hate that a man can't stay home and take care of his children while the woman works. I hate that there is such thing as a "man's job". I hate that a boy can't dance because then he's gay. I hate how people think that one must stick to a book and those who break the book do not show individuality but flaws.

Things I live for: I live for theater. Every year of high school I was in the musical production no matter what role I got I  would play it to the fullest. The number one thing I look foward to every year is the musical no matter how hard it is to learn my lines or make time for it but I will always love to take part of the theatrical experience every year as long as I can.

Languages I've always wanted to know: I've always wanted to learn Italian because I love Italian culture. Italian to me is like Spanish's romantic cousin. Italian will come easy to me because I know spanish and that's why I really want to learn it. I will be able to comunicate to a whole new kind of people.

Jobs I will like to do: My dream job is to design video games. I feel like I can put all my skills together and make the perfect game. I love to play video games and I come up with many ideas as I play them. I have written many possabilities for games and how the upcoming game should be and I would love to work in a place where I can let all my ideas develop. All my ideas could come true if I set my heart to it and I keep writting these ideas down.

Journal #1

Statement #1: When I was young I lived in a three story house and had my own room ever since I was born. I've never in my life not had my own room.

Statement #2: I plan to major in photography and Italian so I can move away to Italy and live with my best friend.

Statement #3: My grandma while she was pregnant fell off a horse, and was in a car accident. During the car accident the bus ended up falling out a bridge, and still my grandma mannaged to have a healthy baby girl who became my mother.

My personal goal for English this year...

     My Personal goal for English this year in terms of a letter grade will be to acquire a A- or higher. This goal I believe is very achievable if I focus and work hard. I plan to extend my writing abilities by working hard and practicing my writing daily to improve my grammar and spelling.