Journal #3

 I sat up. Chest pounding ,sweat rolling down my forehead. It happened again. I look at the digital clock 2:13 a.m. I look at the calendar, it was February 13th, my heart sank. I tried to catch my breath as my hands shook frantically I stood up fast almost falling over.  I look to my left and my window was open. The cold air chiseled my body and the cold floor made it painful to walk. The room smelled like him, I inhaled deeply making it last as long as it could taking in every single particle of the smell. I struggled towards the window and sat on the fire escape. This was our favorite place, our happy place. Every Tuesday we would have pasta on the fire escape followed by a small tub of Pinkberry just the way he like it, an original with blueberries. We would sit and look at the stars and imagine what it was like to go to space, to travel, to be one with nature. Then I realized that I didn't open the window. I turned around and climbed back through my window the closed it tightly. The darkness of the room made me feel even lonelier. The grey walls made me feel trapped and fixated but to him it made him feel warm and cozy. He was always optimistic about things like that. His thoughts were always a mystery to me but I loved him. I walked out my room and through the narrow hallway, I began to look at the pictures on the wall. There was one of us smiling together wearing 3D glasses, and one of us sharing a tub of Pinkberry on the fire escape. His bluish green eyes still stared into my soul even in the darkness of my home and he made me feel sorrow yet happiness because of all the joy we shared. As I reached the living room I noticed that the door wasn't locked it was always Scott's job to make sure the door was locked without him I was a mess. Nothing was the same. Tears began to roll down my eyes when I began to relive what happened 1 year ago. I could hear him scream my name as the two dark figures took me into the alley and punched me. They kicked me and leaving Scott to bleed on the floor, Scott tried to reason with them but they didn't want our money they just wanted violence. I still remember Scott getting up and trying to pull them off me and then with a loud bang. He fell. His cold lifeless body dropped and they ran away leaving behind broken lives. I remember crawling towards his body and holding on to him wishing it was all a bad dream but it wasn't. He lay there lifeless and grief just infested my heart leaving me alone. We ran away together and now nothing could bring him back. That night I feel a sleep with a picture of him next to my face while wearing one of his sweaters. The next day the window was opened, soon I will be with him.